You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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