Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
