im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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