You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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