you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
