Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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