please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
