Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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