drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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