Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
