i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize