omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
