In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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