I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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