Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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