You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
