we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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