Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
