The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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