Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
