Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
