You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
