I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
