Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
