im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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