I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
