This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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