3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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