Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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