i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor