Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.