he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!