I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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