Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
