I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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