I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
