its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
