hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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