we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
