I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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