She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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