I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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