Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
