my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
