Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
