would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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