why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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