i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
