im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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