I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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