Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
