This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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