Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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