You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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