I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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