matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
