i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
