I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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