your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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