I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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