I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
